There's a ???? ???? in the Toilet!
You just know that can't be good.
I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, and I hear the sound that makes every parent freeze in their tracks. At least, one of my kids is screaming with that voice; it's the voice that says "There is arterial gushing from my neck region", or "She touched me". I struggle to make out the content of the scream through the door that is separating us.
"There is ???? ______ in ???? upstairs toilet." Oh yeah, I wanted to hear that. Maybe I can pretend to be asleep?
Wait, Cyndi is already in bed, recovering from dental work, I'm going to have to take this one.
I open the door and approach the screamer. "OK, what is in the toilet."
"A battery," she says.
"How did a battery get in the toilet?"
Are you ready? If you are a parent, you know what the answer is going to be and you can skip the next line.
"I don't know, it was just there when I got up."
Wow! I ask around and after getting two more "I don't know" answers, I determine that someone is passing batteries without knowing it; you'd think that would hurt.
I stop on the way to the upstairs toilet, to see if maybe Cyndi has an explanation for why there is a battery in the toilet. She is as clueless as I am.
Cyndi does have a question, though. "What size is the battery?"
I hope, if someone is passing a battery, that it is at least a small one, hopefully a AAA.
I go to take a look. Sure enough, there in the bottom of the bowl is a D cell battery. Being Dad, it is my job to get it out.
I try the plunger handle, no luck. There is some minor cussing.
Flyswatter, kind of a loop at the end of the handle; almost, but lost it. There is more cussing, not so minor.
Oh well, guess I have to use the best tool ever invented for retrieving things. Oh my, that water is cold. More cussing, but the D cell battery is now in my hand and on the way to the trash can.
Time to wash my hands.
I go back to the bedroom, to share my story with Cyndi. She is as dumbstruck as I. How does a D-cell battery get into a toilet with no one knowing how it got there; three children, not one clue.
With apologies to Bill Cosby, there is only one possible explanation: Brain Damage.
My Brain Went on Vacation and all I got was this Filthy T-Shirt!
by Cyndi Paxton Johnson
I can count the number of actual vacations I've taken in my lifetime on one hand. Recent years the count goes down to one finger! It seems "Vacation" has become synomonous with visiting relatives, or working around the house. Now that we're self-employed "weekends" have virtually disappeared, as well. We're always trying to do more, and there's ALWAYS more to do. A vacation seems as realistic as a self-cleaning refrigerator and self-emptying trashcan. (and if you find one of these treasures - LET ME KNOW!)
Turns out - it doesn't matter how much WE want to WORK! Our wonderful, complex bodies know what they need - and are in a position to get it! This past week, for example, my brain went on vacation - without me. It did NOT request vacation leave - nor leave a contact number! I hope it's having a wonderful time, exploring new worlds and new civilizations. Yeah - since I'm stuck here - brainless - I've been filling the hours with Star Trek re-runs. Luckily, I had to wait around anyway - for the Sear's repairman. Our BRAND NEW hi-tech washing machine is broken.
So I sit here, waiting for the repair-man in my crumpled, slightly stinky shirt. I'd like to write something catchy, inspirational and memorable. Uh........nope. I've got nothin'. Hopefully, my brain will return soon - refreshed and ready to take on the world!
And I hope it brings me CHOCOLATE!!!
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This is the funniest thing
Submitted by Michelle Danelle (not verified) on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 8:26pm.This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time!
I have fooled mine into being honest with me (less punishment but I get the truth about the intriguing things), so he told me last time (when he put half a roll of toilet paper in the toilet, and informed me when I was on a very important phone call to my ATTORNEY!!!!) ...
...drum roll...
"I wanted to see what would happen if I did."
I have high hopes of him becoming a famous scientist some day and supporting me in my old age. It would be only right.
My favorite Gabe reply, when
Submitted by Cyndi on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 12:18pm.My favorite Gabe reply, when asked WHY he had turned the hose on the dog tied up outside....
"I HAD to - the cat ran away!!!"
Gotta love it!